Quote:
Originally Posted by TrailRunner14
Wow! There are so many emotions that u know the name of going on right now!
Everything that has been shared on this thread is a description of what I too am experiencing. There is much compassion in my heart for the hurts and loneliness that is here on this thread. Compassion also for the ones who shared their stories. I would like to say thank you for being brave with your self, it helped me to realize that I'm not alone either or as exiled as I have felt.
I too am married to a Jeckle/Hyde. That part of my life right now feels so panicky and desperate to try and fix it. There is the word compassion for him because I believe he cannot control it, but doesn't repair the damage done to my sense of safety.
My tears are behind my eyes and have been for a couple of years. They come sometimes at night when it's quite and everyone is asleep. There is no emotion with them. They just come. I am praying that is a sign of healing that I'm working toward.
I do have my two boys that I trust for hugs. They give them freely with nothing expected in return. Well, mostly. You know kids.
This has encouraged me so much reading this. I would like to encourage you with my belief that there is healing and wholeness to be had. It feels better again knowing I'm not alone.
Much love!!!
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I am glad you have found encouragement in this thread. I have found encouragement in this thread to.
I am sorry you live with a Jackel / Hyde husband. That makes it really hard. I would know. I don;t think mine meant to be that way either. It was a mix between just the way he is, and my over reaction to how he is.
I have sons to. One of mine is autistic so he can't really do touches. I did hug my boys but once they became teenagers, I took that age as a threat. They were past the age of innocence. So that makes you a threat when you pass that age.
My tears are the same way. I can let them go sometimes, SOMETIMES, in the T's office. They jsut flow, they are not associated with words. They are just from pain but a pain I can't find words to describe. I can usually talk through them as if it is not happening as they stream down my face. It is moist strange. My T doesn't respond to them. She doesn't touch me, she doesn't question Why I have tears. It is almost overwhelming if she offers me a box of tissues.
I hope you continue to find peace and understanding. I agree with you, there is healing and wholeness to be had. God gave my T a gift, a gift to be his hands and feet, and he has given that to many doctors and professional, and many of us in general. I really feel like my T has a true gift and is blessed with teh ability and knowledge to help others heal. I hope you have a good T of that you can find one to help you through this.