The first time I had it was after a suicide attempt. I swallowed all my meds impulsively and then felt guilty about having my mom find me so I went up and told her. My plan was to get sent to the state hospital (as that was what the Pdoc had said would happen if I showed up inpatient again) and then kill myself there. My ip Pdoc recommended ECT as a last resort. I only ended up doing it because I wasn't confident enough to say no, honestly. It terrified me. But I'm so thankful I ended up doing it. It brought me far enough out of the depression to work on my trauma issues in therapy. I was able to stay stable for six years after that. I did it again In the fall of 2014 for the same reason - I was not responding to anything else and I had no other options. And again, it saved me. I think if my husband hadn't have died I would have been able to stay relatively stable. I did it a third time just now for the same reason, no other depression treatment was working and I was a danger to myself. And it's helped again.

It's very tough on me physically so I don't like to go through it too much. I'm hoping to wrap this session up soon. But there's no denying it works.

The memory loss is very tough though. I've lost memories of vacations I took with my husband, moments of my son's life, etc. plus basic things like how to get around the neighborhood I grew up in and how to do basic paperwork at work. It's tough. One of the reasons I don't like to do it unless I'm completely in the hole.

I would recommend doing research to anyone who is considering it. It's not right for everyone. But honestly, if your only other option is long term hospitalization or suicide....it might be worth a shot.