Hi,

My husband and I are newly married since last November. We have a wonderful, playful and positive relationship 95% of the time and rarely have a serious conflict. However, when we do have a big conflict it is almost always about the same thing: I can't seem to talk to him about my struggles and feelings without him getting angry or defensive. I think it comes from a well-meaning place; it's as if he takes it upon himself to fix all my problems, so if I say I am unhappy he takes it personally and feels attacked for not being good enough for me. I try to explain that he is absolutely wonderful and does not have to fix, nor can he fix, all my problems. But we keep having this same misunderstanding. For example, after getting married I lost most of my friends (they were mostly male and likely backed away out of respect), and some of the remaining friends I have also distanced myself from out of respect for my husband's insecurity. This is not his fault but simply a part of transitioning into marriage, which I explained to him - hopefully I will find new, female friends, or learn to be content with a more solitary lifestyle - but in the meantime, I get quite lonely and sad. There are times when I want to confide in him about it, but every time I do he gets angry and defensive and it only makes matters worse... so the result is I am afraid to open up to him now and I have completely shut down about expressing my emotions. The same issue has popped up at times in regards to discussing work matters (we are both full-time musicians and work together on occasion), and perhaps most notably, a recent trauma I experienced being drugged at a bar that I feel completely alone in facing. I am starting to feel very distant from him not being able to connect to him about my emotions and am afraid that resentment is going to develop; on top of the fact that I have no friends to talk to about any of these things at all and am feeling overwhelmed and isolated. Help!

Jammin