I'm not sure what he was thinking when he agreed to do the phone session... I thought that it would be the same length as a ftf session (an hour) but I think he was thinking it would be a briefer chat. Maybe half an hour. He started winding it down about then, though, and was off the phone at quarter to. I think... That he did the phone session from home and he needed to get into work for a 9am appt. Cause I asked him what number I should call and he said that he would call me (so he was probably at home).

I thought he was surprised because... We had the polite conversation about how I was sick and stuff and then he said something like 'well, is that it? or...' I think that we was expecting me to say 'okay, see you next week'. But I thought it was kind of a challenge. I thought he was saying 'if you don't have anything to say other than about your being sick then I'll ring off now so either you open up about now or this conversation is over'. So... I started opening up a little... I think... He was surprised that I did that... Yeah... Maybe he was surprised that I felt more comfortable on the phone than I feel IRL. I've been resistent to phone contact before so maybe that is why he found it surprising.

> Was it easier to talk to him? Without having to look...

Yes. Mostly... What I'm afraid of is him seeing my embarrassment. Because if he sees that I'm embarrassed then I get even more embarrassed and things escalate into an excruciating state. On the phone... I know he can't see my embarrassment - though I know he can hear it a little in my voice I don't mind that strangely enough. So... I have a bit more courage to talk about potentially embarrassing stuff.

I guess... When my mother saw that I was embarrassed she used to laugh at me. So... In person it escalates if someone sees and I spend much of my time dissociating from the feeling so I don't look embarrassed...