I want to respond to you, and don't know what to say. I relate to a lot of what you wrote, including invalidation, and deciding not to have friends. I want to have friends, but now I'm scared that nobody will want me as a friend, at least not close, because they already have friends and I have missed out. I think it is wonderful that you can see something like validation, and feel good. I tend to feel intense jealousy when I see someone else getting the things that I am missing. I want so desperately to be loved, but I'm afraid of not being loved, and feel trapped if someone does love me (I'm married and feel like I am suffocating a lot). I want my T to love me, and I don't think she can. I'm afraid she probably hates me most of the time. But I want her to love me forever.

I hope that you can build some real life friendships, besides T, eventually. Good, healthy, validating friendships. I think that is a lot of what therapy is about - learning that you can have those feelings in other relationships too.