I started a new job two weeks, and I walk around feeling scared most of the time. Everyone I work with are really, really nice. Always stopping by my cubby to ask me how I'm doing. They have such a lot of patience with the students. This school emphasizes being very helpful to students, a little family, and I really want to live up to their expectations. But my student evaluations are usually average or slightly above, and I was fired from my last two jobs (contract not renewed), so I have a lot of anxiety.

I'm no spring chicken, and the years until retirement are short. I've almost exhausted my savings in the past three years of part-time and under-employment. Another bout of low income, and I don't know what will happen financially. On top of that, the condo board has put special assessments on the unit that has completely gutted the equity and made selling it a loss.

When I feel financially trapped and that I've made a big ole stupid decision, that also strikes me self-esteem.

I feel as if I'm fundamentally flawed. Since 2003, my man done left me; one old friend stopped returning phone calls and more recently, a second one has done so. I just don't seem to be able to be the person that anyone needs or wants me to be.

Thanks for reading, if you got this far.