yeah... sometimes self disclosures feel like i'm giving him my heart to hold in his hands. such fragility and vulnerability. that he could destroy me with an inadvertent reaction of distaste or repulsion. such vulnerability.

and all the while he is sitting there kind of pleading with me 'trust me. trust me. take a risk. its okay. you can trust me.' and he is so very careful. he knows how especially sensitive i am. but it is still hard. i can't. i just can't seem to do it at the pace he would like.

it feels... too intimate, somehow.

i'm not sure what i think about his pushing me being a good thing. i guess i think that i will push myself when i am ready. i guess i think that i will do that. i guess it is hard for him because initially i did disclose quite a lot of hard stuff. but then as i started to feel attached to him i backed off a bit in person and started disclosing even more intimate / personal stuff by way of email. relational trauma is hard. it is something that is re-experienced in therapy, i guess. even his kindness is triggering. brings it to the fore that i haven't had much of that before.

thanks for sharing your experiences. it can be hard to get stuff out sometimes... takes some courage, huh. thanks for your response.