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alexandra_k said:
important distinction:
erotic transference: feelings of love. thinking about a lot. sexual fantasies. idealisation. etc
erotisized transference: being all obsessive about it. making overt sexualized gestures / remarks. demanding sex. refusing to talk about anything else etc.

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Thanks for those nutshell definitions, alex_k. When people here have talked about erotic transference, I always felt that I didn't have it. I thought it meant you wanted to have a romantic and/or sexual relationship with your therapist. And I've never wanted that. But by the above definition, maybe I do have erotic transference, because I do have feelings of love, am very strongly attached, and think the world of my T (idealization?). But I've always felt my love was very pure, more spiritual than physical, if that makes sense. Plus, some people here have written about how jealous they are of their T's wife or loved ones, that they can't stand to think of their T with his wife, etc. And I've never thought like that at all. I am very happy my T has found someone special he loves after his divorce. It gives me hope that maybe I might find someone too once I am single again. Along similar lines, there are people who seem to be jealous of their T's other clients. I have never been that way. I am very curious about my T's other clients and enjoy talking to them in the waiting room when we intersect (as we do sometimes when he double books!). I feel a kinship with them because we share the same T. I had a dream about a party my T threw for all of his clients and how I loved being included in that and that I felt part of my T's "communty of clients." I just don't have a possessiveness that some people feel toward their T, and that seemed part of an erotic transference to me, so again, I didn't seem to have it. So I'm still left wondering if I have erotic transference or not. I guess it really doesn't matter, what matters is our strong bond and the trust between us and how I use it for personal change and growth.