Hi freewill:
I have to say that, for me, it's going to be a lifelong struggle. I thought it was over too, but hindsight being 20/20.......it proved me wrong!!! I won't go into the particulars as they are posted elsewhere, but just suffice to say that I lost control and wanted to die!!! I wanted to kill myself, and I don't know what stopped me, really, but the thought of leaving my children on that runaway train from suicide didn't click. I smacked the wall and threw things
and I usually hurt myself, but my knuckles are probably built up to the point that nothing hurts anymore.
Then the guilt sets in and that's a whole new story to write.
Why won't this urge go away? I don't know that it ever will...
I think we have to fight to control them before they can CONTROL us!!! I don't want to end up back in a hospital
psych. ward on dope that's meant to "shut" you down. Oh no, been there, done that. I have to remember to limit myself to certain situations that trigger stressful conditions.
It takes a long time to do that, and sometimes not always
successful. Try a tad bit harder and remember that you didn't get that way over night, it's not going to disappear by that same means overnight.
Do I make sense, or am I rambling? Sry!!! I mean well.