I don't want to moan but by God, this is tough. I just can't take another 10,20 or 30 or even 40years till I'm old and naturally dying. It's a never ending daily war with my own head, the heaviness and pressure on my shoulders, the feeling like my brains going to explode, the never ending stress even though there's nothing to be stressed about, the guilt over nothing,the ruined career, the constant, insistent negative thoughts. Nothing gives me relief, not meds, not CBT, nothing. Just an endless war with myself and self destruction drive.