Hello valeriejayne: Thank you for sharing your struggle. Thirty years & 2 children is a huge chunk out of your life! People have been laid low by much less. It will take time to grieve the loss of the future you had always hoped for. Perhaps even in the throes of your husband's alcoholism, somewhere in the back of your mind you hoped that things could get better. Now it has become apparent that this will not occur. It will take time to grieve this great loss. Please treat yourself gently...