I was definitely in a Jekyll /Hyde relationship. I can't begin to explain the insanity and confusion I was living in. (Feel free to look back at any of my statistics and you will be able to see right away) I was living with verbal and emotional abuse. Sometimes I wish he would have jsut hit me, so the world could see the hell I was living through.


I tried to protect my boys from there father to. I didn't realize that the greatest protection of all was to get them out of that situation. I tried to make up for the way there dad over reacted. I tried to use his example of yelling at me, to tell them "guys if you want someone to do something for you is that how you ask." I always hoped my kids would grow up to see their dad was wrong. I'm not sure I was able to make an impact on them like I had hoped. I stayed when I shouldn't have, thats all there is to it.


The last straw was when my son (he's autistic) asked me one day when I came home, "Did dad hurt you?" and in the same week my little girl said "It's ok mommy, Daddy makes me cry to." In the weeks to come my H told me in front of all my kids, the only reason I got married was to have someone to clean my house and cook my meals. That was it. I stayed for 12 more months as I planned my escape. It's insane really.


The things in my life that have lead to this point can be looked at as a terrible bunch of things that happened. I could throw myself my own pitty party, and sometimes I do. But from this $h!t I have been dealt, I have decided to use it as a blessing. I have worked threw most of my crap and I am able to help other young girls avoid the things I didn't. I can relate to ohters who have been in the same position. Sometimes you can't really relate if you have not been there and done that. So from a pile of $h!t comes forth a extra big heaping bunch of love and understanding. That is the greatest gift I can give someone.