We are in a small population 300 farming community. I lived around here of and on my whole life. We hunt for our food and start gun safety with the children at a young age. Everything is locked up and is only loaded when in use. We are very diligent about safety safey safety! I'm only 34 and when I was in highschool we were still allowed gunracks in our pickups and everyone had rifles on school property. So around here it's not an issue. Most of the time the people coming up the drive are lost hunters that have their own rifles with them. That's worries me cause lately we been getting a lot of out of town Hunters looking for properties they leased to hunt on.

Anyway that's just a picture of our way of life. I've never put together what aftershocks I may have had from the past relationship. Just thought all was due to being bipolar. Is paranoia in general a symptom? I already know I have auditory and visual hallucinations. I'm still aware enough when they happen to pull myself in and remain calm. Will they get worse to where I can't control the anxiety of it anymore? Today was the first time ever that I had to talk myself out of being completely irrational and putting curtains up all over the living room. I feel the need to even cover the walls to be safe. Wtf is wrong? Am I stepping into an episode? I'm trying to recognize and overcome. I didn't realize my fear went so deep.

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!