Since March 2015, I've been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, and we got engaged in August last year.

Our relationship is amazing, and there's really no problems at all. But sometimes I can't help but crush on other guys I'm close to and fantasy about them. I've never cheated on him, but I have talked to a friend of ours about sex. I feel so disgusting but it feels so good at the same time. I could never tell my fiance about it though, it would break his heart. I really think I should keep it a closet fantasy.

Anyways, I've made a new friend recently, and I can feel myself developing feelings for him. Like right now I'm really excited thinking about him.

So this is the second guy I've liked so far while I've been with my boyfriend.

I should also mention the first guy I liked offered me to stay at his place when I come back to the US from Sweden, and honestly I have no choice at this point. It's either him or be homeless. And also, this first guy tells me he's fallen in love with me.

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is I feel pretty guilty for feeling this way, but at the same time it's like a rush and it feels so good. I've never done drugs, but it feels the same way as people describe when they're high. Just thinking about having sex with these other guys makes me so excited.

The weird part about it is the fact that me and my fiance have no problems at all in our relationship. So why am I fantasizing and why does it feel so good?