Well I'm not one to believe in that but that's beside the point. What I DO believe in though is being honest with oneself and some decent therapy. My choice is CBT. What is the evidence that the god you beieve in hates you? Is there evidence to you this creator doesn't.

As for the behaviour you believe is at the source of this I think you need to evaluate it in terms too of what evidence you have it is evil to you. Perhaps for you it might be a subconcious way of self harming?

Here's a worksheet that may help explore for you why you do the behaviour and developing a strategy to cope and find an alternative. It's called a Behavioral Chain Analysis:

https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&sourc...aKYss4fSzw_UvQ

In the meantime welcome to PsychCentral. I hope you find it a safe place.