T!

I hate you! I hate that you're going to leave me for 5 months! I don't care that you're trying your best to help me with this and help me settle with this new T, your replacement. I don't want her! I don't want to go 5 months without any contact from you. I DON'T WANT THAT!!!
It hurts. You will be fine. You will be happy. You don't need me. If I would say to you that I quit therapy, you'll be fine. Yes, you wouldn't just want me to quit. But if I really would want to quit, you would be fine. Because you don't need me. You know you will say goodbye to every client you see at some point. You know how to deal with that. You probably don't even get attached to client. You have a happy life. Sure, there will be bad times too, but mostly your life is good. And you can go months without seeing me and not even think about me. Because you will be happy with your boyfriend and your daugther and your new born daugther. You're so Lucky.

How am I going to get through this? I have to say goodbye to you in a month. And probably also to Pdoc, unless he wants to wait with refering me back to my GP for the prescribtions, after what happened this week. I don't want to quit seeing him, but I can't keep seeing him just because I like seeing his face.

You're abandoning me during the hardest months of this year. You're not there for me during my exams. You're not there for me at the start of college.

I'm too attachted to you. You know I don't like losing you as my T. But do you realise that I long for more? Do you know that I want to know more about you? Do you know I want a hug from you? Do you know I want more contact with you?
I'm too afraid to talk to you about this. I know what therapy is about. I've seen many T's. And sure, I got a bit curious about them, but it wasn't like this. I wanted them to care about me as a client. I wanted them to try to help me. Which they didn't. Maybe that's why it didn't got to how it now is with you? Maybe that's why I don't have this desire to be a little bit more to you. Like a client++. I now we can't (ever?) be friends or aquintances.

It hurts so much. So so much.