Wants! I can so identify. I really think much of this has to do with being a single independent working female. And being over 50 adds to the mix. I am so there with you on this. I've sunk a lot of money into improvements in this little old humble house I bought. I sold my big house with the intention of cutting my costs and lightening my load financially. But if I tried to sell it now, it would also be at a loss. Still, what I'm paying is less than rent would be for a similar sized place. My bills outweigh my income, and my job is becoming more and more tentative, with cuts in art education the norm now. There was serious talk of cutting my job to half time last year, and I walk on eggshells with the new administration.
No men on the horizon, and I've stopped thinking of that as an option. I used to think I'd find a wonderful partner with whom I'd be able to share and existence, including the financial responsibilities, but the men I met since divorce 11 years ago, were stingy and/or corrupt, and I lost a lot financially and emotionally thru my naivete and generosity, giving all to these relationships. I no longer look to that as an option.
Feeling flawed? I don't think you're flawed at all. I think you're one strong woman and a role model for all of us!
Love
Patty