IMO, it's time to start looking forward not backwards! You are still relatively young (50, I think?), so there is still time to meet someone who will respect and treat you better. You deserve it, you really do. Please get some help with the grieving process you are going through. It's a lot to lose that long of a relationship.
You made the choice when you were still a child really. Forgive yourself and move forward. Big hug for you. I hope you can lean on your kids a little!!!