Hello Wishfulone: I see this is your first post here on PsychCentral... so... welcome to PC... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. I don't know the answers to your questions. But from my perspective, these are important questions that deserve to be delved into in-depth, perhaps with the aid of a therapist. I'm sorry you had this experience & wish you well...