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Old Mar 05, 2016, 03:32 PM
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Wanderlust90 Wanderlust90 is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: AUS
Posts: 643
When I feel someone has deliberately wronged me I have homicidal thoughts, not that I would act on them, I'm far far far more likely to turn on myself out of frustration over the thoughts.

I want them to suffer like I do, I want to torture, I want them to suffer my wrath. Too often I get loud & agitated & rant on & on to my partner about how they are harming me, usually it's a completely overblown situation & I am in fact not being singled out & persecuted. It just feels that way very strongly. He gets worried that I might actually want to do these things in reality but obviously I never have & don't plan on it. When I've calmed I usually feel ashamed. It gets really embarrassingly bad sometimes, I have threatened (only to my partner/family) that I would hurt someone's child. I would NEVER, it's a sick thought born of ? a sick mind but it happens.

I'm not sure if it's bipolar related but does happen mainly during dysphoric hypomania/agitated depression, anxiety makes it worse too, the thoughts are very intrusive, it's not like I want to think them.
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Dx: Bipolar II, GAD, past substance abuse, temporal lobe epilepsy.
Rx: Lamotrigine 125mg, Sertraline 50mg, Clonazepam 0.5mg prn.