Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatDayIsItAgain
Hello
I think it is great you talk about the magical thinking aspect. I have had auditory hallucinations for a long time but since I was attacked (3mo ago) I have just started up with the visual kind (while Im awake, not sleeping). I think I see people no one else sees but they can talk and see me. They seem more real that I do to me. It undermines my efforts to trust anyone, real or not, including myself (are they hallucinating us or do we hallucinate them?... type of fear-distrust problems)
I worry they might be demons pretending to be people but they look and sound like people to me. No horns, hooves, or other obvious signs... but I "know" they are mean and evil, but they smile and talk nice in a tricky demon way... does that happen to you? I have tried to point them out to a stranger/witness but they told me I was crazy so I don't do that anymore. I just smile and nod politely instead of converse or react, so I don't upset anyone else... do you ever do that too?
I know we are not exactly the same but I felt better knowing we have a similiar challenge in our lives. Thanks for your post.
PS I am sexually dysfunctional (long time- not just 3mo) so I do not have any advice to share until I have some success in that area. I only masturbate 10 min and I am done for a couple weeks at least. I could not imagine doing that for hours or even one full hour... yikes...(to me that seems excessive, but I admit not being "well" myself in that area)... or ever wanting to watch others do it at all even for two minutes (I have porn adversion not addiction).
So the part about magical thinking and believing in demons.... I can relate to that alot.
Thanks again.
 |
Yep, that all sounds very familiar to me except that it sounds like this is much more frequent for you. For me these things happened very frequent for a week or two and then only every couple of months for a year. I sat through a church liturgy with a guy beside me that I felt was a demon. I was the only person in the pew, but this guy slid all the way down to be next to me, and then he kept doing strange things. That is the only time that I actually saw a person that I felt was a demon. I asked my priest the next week if he noticed this guy, because he shook hands with my priest at the end. Usually people don't shake hands with the priest in that church. They take the blessed bread and kiss the cross he is holding. The priest said he didn't notice him. Actually up until that time, I thought he was demon possessed, but when the priest didn't see him, I began wondering if he was invisible to other people - therefore a demon. Interestingly, the entire pew behind me was filled with people who I felt were angels. They were dressed like early 1900s and their demeanor was the opposite. The "demon" wanted to shake hands with one of the "angels" before the service, and the "angel" simply ignored him.
Another time I saw a guy who I felt was a saint or an angel. Again it was in a church, and he seemed far more "holy" than anybody else there. Outwardly he was a normal person. When I saw him, I instantly felt he was from a foreign country. That was a very interesting religious experience. It was like the whole thing was a set-up to force me into a situation where I had to confront an issue about the meaning of communion. Everybody was gathering in a circle to hold hands, and this holy person came seemingly from nowhere to hold hands beside me. Then I had a vision that could have meant different things.
Usually the demons seem to be in my dreams. For example, I awoke from a dream where I was brutally murdering my beloved cat without the slightest bit of feeling. Where do dreams like that come from? I suspect these demon-like entities can influence my dreams to make me wake up feeling depressed. I also suspect that they feed off sexual energies somehow. When I decided to stop looking at pornography and drinking, these demons became upset and made me have a psychotic breakdown. That is one of my theories.
It is interesting that you have been sexual dysfunctional for many years. I suspect abstinence from sex might make people more aware.
I hope you are getting treatment too. Even if some of my ideas are valid, I know that many of them are delusional. You seem to have been through a very bad thing with your attack, and you are having more psychosis that I ever had. I don't know if any of these things are real, but it is nice that I am not the only person who experiences them.