Quote:
Originally Posted by Luce
Honey... you feel how you feel. It is what it is. Neither feeling more nor feeling less makes you a better or worse human being. Whatever you feel (or don't), I doubt you could truthfully label yourself as a 'cold' person. You helped her when you could, and established boundaries when helping her became too harmful for you. Whatever you feel is... a result of all those mixed experiences.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by barbella
I don't think you are a cold person at all. sometimes it can take a while to process this new information. You have a complicated history with her so that might be part of it too. I also agree with what Luce wrote. I think you are doing your best.
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Thanks guys!
I think guilt is covering up anything else. I jad the thought "if only i could just keep her away from the herione" and tried to get her to the other side of the widrawls by my old patches and xanax...and my guilt is 2 fold...i couldnt help her (when im an addict & get only addicts can help themselves but i tried the best i could...i saw a lot of me in her) and also what if my pain meds contibuted and made it worse?
I talked with D on Facebook messages last night, he's carrying the same guilt "i couldnt help her" and so talking with him helped me...and hopefully him.
Also, she saved my life...i owe her ny life and we ended on such a bad note...and shes really the only friend i had and it just sucks!
or at least I wish I could cry.
Im still trying to work together my "goodbye" to her on her facebook page where everyone is doing it.