Oh wow. Someone dug this up again just as I was experiencing the same thing, only about mental strength rather than intelligence. How strong people can be happy, usually are happy isolated, and how much better that makes them than someone like myself, who's regularly lonely, sees no point in doing something if it can't be shared or validated, and wants other people in her life. What to do.

BUT, I see I focused on the wrong things. The original point of this thread was wondering about the curious state being in this mindset gives me - if feels, almost, like I'm a different person. Or at least I'm not myself, not when I'm writing paragraphs condemning people I identify with as a weird public self-flagellation - hell, not even when I'm thinking those things. A person shouldn't be able to hold such conflicting thoughts and ideals.