I used to think that erotic transference was just sexual, but then I read that it is about loving the other person and wanting more and more of that other person. (I suppose that could become sexual, but it doesn't have to.) So I guess that counts for me with pdoc. I'm not in love with him, but I do love him and I do get caught up in wanting more of his time and wanting to know more about him, etc. etc.

I find this site very helpful. www.guidetopsychology.com
Not sure which orientation it is and I'm sure it's just the basics and not as deep or theoretical as you can get.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
For as you begin to encounter genuine concern for your well-being, the whole experience can feel overwhelming and intoxicating. Once having felt ignored and misunderstood, and now feeling noticed and understood—and not rejected—you can start to feel special. Moreover, you can begin to believe that the psychotherapist is special as well.

When this happens, everything can take on a feeling of erotic “love.”

You see quote marks around the word love in the last sentence because erotic feelings are really feelings of desire, not love. I want to know more about the psychotherapist’s personal life. I want to know what he or she likes. I want to be with him or her outside the psychotherapy sessions. I want to believe that he or she feels an attraction to me. And so on. That’s desire. It’s desire because it is based in what “I want,” not in what you or someone else needs.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">http://www.guidetopsychology.com/ero...ansference.htm

Although, I myself get quite conflicted at times because I want more of my pdoc's time, but then I want him to be happy and safe too. I've worried that he'll overwork and lose his family, etc. So I'm conflicted - my desires fight against each other.

I want a lot of what alexandra wants - I want to be special to him and I want him to enjoy being with me. I do get jealous if I think he's enjoying another patient's company more than mine. Never been jealous of his wife (I think I'd destroy him if I married him - it wouldn't work for either of us), but once or twice I was jealous of his daughter. I like the way things are now - only I want more of his time - want to see him more often. I guess in my narcisitic way, I'm enjoying being the center of attention. I wonder if I'd like it as much if it was two way.