Yeah. It does seem to be a recurring theme in my nightmares, the matter of the child getting mistreated somehow. It doesn't help that I recovered a new piece of the flash today -- mostly how I felt. Like I should have been stronger or something. That's what I remember, me wishing I had been stronger. And I had to tell myself that I shouldn't blame myself, whatever the case was. (Plus I couldn't have been eighteen months in the flash because I didn't learn about



until I was older, probably in my teens, like I probably said in an earlier post)

I also remember watching Cinderella before school -- that was one of the good parts of my childhood. Watching cartoons before school, and after it. I think the majority of the child mistreatment that I'm certain of definitely happened at school, and I think I've recovered a lot of school-related memories. Strange thing about it in terms of working through my memories is that it does feel like I'm going backwards in doing so. Maybe the recurring dream is also a bit of...me having issues with my child self, and I need to find a way to integrate her. (In terms of qualities that she had, she was cheerful, sweet, had big dreams for the future -- she even planned to live in New York one day * -- funny, playful, loved new things, had a bit of a saving-people-complex...things like that. So I'll have to integrate those things) My teenage self as well -- I know that my mom hated my senior year self because of the issues she had. Well, maybe not hated, but...she didn't like her, really.

And yeah...I think you're right about that. Seriously.



* And I was planning on it, but one day, I think my teenage self just chickened out and didn't want to leave home. She was too close to her family, I can remember, and her home, and she'd miss them too much. And she could barely function that year -- she'd have periods where she'd be overwhelmed in class, by the idea of socializing and such, to the point she'd have to run out of class. I'm...still pretty ashamed of it. And it got to be a pattern when I was having issues in 2013 as well, and this year.