Having a hard time being alone tonight. Last couple of years haven't been good relationship wise and I'm getting so damn old. What I'm really afraid of is being strong enough to get out there again - I really don't feel good about my chances of getting a solid relationship going. I am just so damn exhausted and I'm not young anymore I don't know where the inspiration is going to come from. I know I need to change direction but I'm so set in my ways and I've let a zillion years slip by without getting any experience in getting close to people. I feel in danger of total paralysis and becoming a shut in. I just get the feeling that I should have started this relationship stuff a long time ago - now it might be too late to really be happy. I've never been a drinker but lately I've been thinking what's the difference if I just get drunk. I know I need to be strong but this is horrible and I'm tired. Thanks