To your first question, I am worried about going on meds. I haven't had luck with them in the past. The one pdoc I saw wasn't very thorough - asked some questions and wrote a rx for ADs. I think I saw him maybe twice, and the rest was quick over the phone. Honestly, I don't remember a whole lot from then...not even how old I was. I must have been in college maybe? Or late high school? I've had a few medical doctors rx ADs a couple of times since. The last time was awful - total flat/apathetic feeling. Even my husband agreed it was worse than the depression. And I know it can be a struggle to find the right combo, so the thought of going through all the ups and downs to get there is overwhelming. Plus, I'm freaked out by the idea of what the meds may do to my brain chemistry; even if they help, would they also be having some sort of permanent effect on me?

To your other two questions, my T was the first one to notice the hypomania symptoms - probably because I saw her weekly for 3 years. I'd never been under that much observation by the same person before. She noticed via observation, I think, then gave me a test. I know it's not an official DX, since she's not a pdoc, but once I started reading up on it, it made so much sense out of my life - so many things that have been struggles for me, but that I never considered were 'symptoms'.

I think I remember that BP has a genetic link, also, and my aunt has it (diagnosed). I'm pretty sure my grandfather (her dad), great aunt (his sister) and dad (same family) all had it, too, undiagnosed. I'll never know for sure, though, since they're all dead.

Anyhow, I'm scared to be medicated, and stressed at the idea of setting up another therapeutic relationship with someone. I went to my T for a specific issue at the time. Even though I told her what I was coming to see her for, it took me 8 MONTHS to feel comfortable enough with her to start talking about it (it was my dad's death, which happened 20 years ago - nothing like personal trauma related, etc.). I honestly don't think I have it in me to go through that process again, either financially or emotionally.