Mac, my friend (if I may call you such), I was much like you not long ago, always wanting always desiring, always aching for a deep meaningful romance with a guy. I would come on here bemoaning my lack of a love life and how it's all I'd ever need to be truly happy. However much I wanted, ached, longed, and prayed for Mr. Right to walk into my life, it wouldn't happen and I would wonder what I did wrong and why I was so unlucky in life.

People would tell me to stop focusing on getting into a serious relationship, stop focusing on how it would supposedly be the miracle cure to what ails me. That I should instead focus on loving myself and making my life as wonderful and complete and happy as I could, and that everything else would simply fall into place and make it all the better.

Sure, I thought, without really believing a word of that. How would taking the time to focus on me make any difference? I would still be single, still be alone. Well, let me tell you. I was beginning to doubt the sanity of everyone around me at that point.

Then, I got to thinking. Really thinking, ya know, deep plentiful contemplation, and I realized. There would be so much I couldn't do if I were in a relationship. So many freedoms that would be replaced with commitments and time I would normally spend on my hobbies and interests, I'd instead be spending on someone else. Is that what I really wanted to do? Sure, a relationship is nice, the sex is nice, the intimate connection of having someone really know you and vice versa is nice, but there's always having to make them happy, always pleasing them in some way or another. Commitments. So many commitments.

My mother said to me one time, "Relationships shouldn't be hard", but she never said anything about them being a cake walk either. It takes work, real effort and commitment to make a relationship function in a healthy manor. It's not just sitting with the opposite sex (or same as the case may be for some) one minute and having wild sex the next. It's about investing time, commitment, money and effort into something that may or may not work out in the long run.

That's when a lightbulb went off in my head. I barely make enough money to fuel my hobbies and cover my costs. How in the world can I be in a relationship if I don't have money to invest into it. Same with time and commitment. Was I truly willing to commit to spending time otherwise spent on playing video games or browsing about on here, with someone whom I was in the process of getting to know? The answer was, to be blunt, I couldn't neither afford to spend money nor time on a relationship if I wanted to continue to pursue my interests. I may be selfish in saying those things, but if I were to be in a relationship, I don't want to short change the guy, expecting him to pick up the tab everywhere we went.

Then there's the whole aspect of the last relationship and how I seemingly broke that guy's heart. It made me sick to think about it. Here he was, investing more into the relationship than I was, and I took him for granted. Now he's gone and probably cried a good cry over ending the relationship. I couldn't do that to another man. I just couldn't. Ending a relationship is hard. It drains you physically, emotionally and even mentally. I couldn't begin to describe how guilty I felt. Not just with my ex, but with the guys I tried to persue over the internet via forums. I made them feel things I'd never wish on my worst enemies, and quite frankly, I can't do that again to anyone, not a guy, not a gal, not anyone.

So here I am, focusing on just making myself happy and improving what life aspects I can to make what I have that much better. Maybe not what I wanted initially, but it's what I want now, and you know what? I couldn't be happier in my choices. After all, they say "It's what you're not looking for, you'll find." It's true ya know. I know it sounds silly, a load of crock, but it really does have a ring of truth in it.

For example, a guy typically doesn't go for the woman who is throwing themselves all over them and basically asking when the wedding date will be. Same goes for women looking for men. That kind of throws off a "I'm beyond desperate and will bang anything that moves" vibe. Not attractive in the least. However, a guy who has his life all together and focuses more on doing what he loves, and loving what he's doing? Very attractive. Women like that, I'm assuming, are very attractive to men in the same way.

So, ya know, sorry to write such a hefty novel sized post, and maybe you won't read it all, but if you do skim on down to the end, the part right here, my advice to you is to relax, enjoy yourself and do what you love for the time being. Focus your entire existence on being happy with that. Sure, it's not initially what you may have wanted, but sooner or later, it'll all fall into place and Mrs. Right might wander into your life when you least expect her to.

Hope you're feeling better and don't sweat the small stuff, okay?