Yesterday, my mom got into a screaming fight. She told me I am a burden and I don't do anything to help myself. Despite...getting a job. Despite being in therapy. Despite seeking a psychiatrist. DESPITE taking my medication. I do nothing to help myself. Really. She has ridiculous expectations and doesn't seem to comprehend I am partially disabled. I understand I can be difficult to live with, but I flat out told her, to her face, that my disorders, my problems, are not my fault. I didn't ask for them. I didn't make them. They are not. My. Fault. I told her that I hated her (I certainly don't love her) and that she is a ***** and needs to get over the petty BS she flies off the handle into tantrums about. My dad stuck up for me and she blew up at him. I told her, that he has the right to defend me if he feels like it.

We talked a bit afterwards. She apologized. I accepted the apology but I haven't forgiven her. She told me I am a burden, because of my issues. Then I proceeded to spend the night contemplating suicide because I'm a burden on my family, and I think they would be better off without me.

Today my parents got into a violent fight. The dining room table was smashed. A chair was thrown and my dad stormed out. She provoked him with her petty, ridiculous complaining and tantrums that she throws. When they argued afterward, he said the same things to her that I said to her, because she treats us both the same.

Now there's talk of divorce. I don't want to really take sides, though I'm on my dad's side because he wants to me off this god forsaken farm that she MADE us move to in her selfishness. Neither my dad or I are farm people. I've hated living here from the very beginning. I'd leave, but I have no where to go except to be homeless.

My dad and I went to McDonalds tonight to talk. And he really opened up. About how much he hates his life, how miserable she is and how she makes him miserable. How he wishes he was dead.

So this is where we are all at. And I don't know what tomorrow will bring. But thankfully I'm not suicidal anymore because my dad assured me I'm not a burden. But honestly...I have no idea what to feel.