Thanks artchick, I hate to keep being a pain but you know I've lived a long time alone and about the only thing that kept me going is that I'm a really good solo act. I do have interests, I've travelled, played piano, wrote poetry, cooked, etc. The problem I've had lately is it seems all the years of being alone is hitting my like a thousand pound hammer. I found in the last couple of years that I'm extremely vunerable to being crushed romantically. It was always easy for me to steer clear of people and never make any real bonds - everything has always felt so distant and not real. So the byproduct of all this avoidance is that I'm an extremely needy and impatient individual in the relationship area, i.e. I don't know if I can go through the process of developing a healthy relationship. I don't even think I know how. This is a process I should have went through in my twenties and that was a long time ago. Bottomline is a gotta fight big insecurities and general lack of knowledge about approaching people. I just don't know if I want to put in the effort anymore.