Ever hear/read that quote which says, "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die?" I am beginning to be acutely aware of what that means.

As some of you are aware, I've been angry this week. The story doesn't matter (because it would just ramble), but I was able to vent my anger to the appropriate party yesterday. It wasn't necessarily something I should have done, but man, it made me feel better at the time. They responded and weren't as angry as I felt, which actually made me more angry. So of course, though I gave myself time, I responded angrily. And I wasn't too nice.

And now I feel rotten. It's not like I don't feel the things I said were untrue or unjustified. It's that they weren't necessary, and the negativity and anger are affecting my life and I'm sure they're affecting the other person's as well. I am sad because I think I have a good friend who currently isn't speaking to me because my negative boo-hooing earlier this week probably negatively affected her life.

I know that I have a bit of a problem with emotions. I have learned to separate things, areas of my life, into certain categories. For example, when I'm at work, I function on one plane and don't get too emotional about anything. I get overwhelmed and stressed sometimes, and coworkers sometimes point this out, but in general while I'll never be a chill person, I don't get overly angry or sad or anything at work. There is my acquaintance persona which is pretty much the same, and this is where people first get to know me. So I think that, when they break through the fourth wall so to speak and get closer and become my friend they are surprised by the mess that's behind the curtain.

I don't know if anyone else experiences this. I'm sure I'm not the only one who walls off her life in such a way. I know it's not ideal or necessarily healthy, but it's what works.