Kay,

You just need to do what you feel is right for you, no matter what anyone else says. I wanted to be a vegetarian for a long time before I actually found the confidence to tell my husband and others that I was not going to eat meat. My husband grew up on his grandparents' cattle ranch, so vegetarianism is a completely foreign concept to him and all of his relatives, who don't approve of me much anyway. I guess that's another reason why I have changed gradually. Make it clear that you are not going to force your decision on him also. That may be what he's worried about.

You know, I spent enough years eating what somebody else wanted me to eat. My husband doesn't like onions and peppers and mushrooms and a whole list of other things. For a long time, I didn't eat them either because he complained if I bought them, and I felt bad. Sometimes he just said it was stupid to eat those things that he doesn't happen to like. I never wanted to make him eat them, but I never really questioned it.

I still have a tendency to feel bad about inconveniencing people by not wanting to eat what they want to cook and offer to share. I feel bad when I have to remind them at work not to put meat on my plate, or I have to refuse a plate because there is meat on it. Some staff were not letting the girls dish up a plate for me without meat, because the policy is not to make accomodations for staff. That makes me feel pretty worthless. But the director did post a notice saying that staff may request not to have items - just no 'special orders.' There are two other staff who don't eat meat either, except that they will eat poultry, so I'm the most extreme and I feel bad for that.

And then I also feel bad when I hear from other vegetarians who are more strict than I am, and I feel like I'm not doing it right. But then I think how much more inconvenient it would be for people to accomodate me if I went vegan. I don't want to take it that far, and I feel bad about that.

You can always find cause to feel bad. There will always be someone who sees it differently than you do. You just have to make your own decisions, and let people know gently but firmly that that is the way you will live your life. As long as you are not imposing your decision on them, it is their problem if they don't like your choice, and you don't have to justify it. You can discuss your reasoning if you choose, but don't let anyone tell you that your choice is silly or whatever. You don't owe them any explanation at all.