Thanks, @Artchic528
When I had the breakdown in 2009, I was too afraid to drink, and so far I have not resumed that habit. I hope that I never go back to drinking, because it was so harmful to me. I much prefer to be a non-drinker.

I have been going to a therapist weekly for the past year. The therapy has seemed useless, but I am glad I kept trying. Only two weeks ago due to a huge amount of stress, I had a very amazing insight into my life. I have been incredibly bitter for a decision I made 15 years ago to give up my career in Silicon Valley and work in my family's small business, and this bitterness was poisonous. Suddenly I realized that I am glad I made that decision, because it allowed me to see my father more before he died, and it has allowed me to see more of other family members. It is so much easier to live with a good decision than to try to forgive myself for what seemed to be a ruinous decision. With the bitterness gone, all the other problems have shrunk to manageable size. I am trying not to let old habits of thought return. I hope I can change my outlook on life permanently. Maybe the therapy will finally start helping me more.

On the sex, I don't know what to think. I have no sex partner, and I don't anticipate that changing. It would be a whole different thing if I was trying to make another person happy through sex. I can see how that is more healthy.