Hi Sherri, When I say I lost my 'protector' I'm referring to him the 'nurse' as he saved my life on the ward ( he actually performed cpr on me) and I'm not sure if one of my 'parts' then viewed him as powerful and useful and then 12 months later (last admission was for 15 months consecutively) decided to make a move to help me become stable enough to reintegrate into the community.I also wonder if now that he's gone my 'system' is afraid of the reality of living in the big bad world?.