I lived for 13 years in separate areas of the house before I was finally able to leave, then I moved 2100 miles away....best thing. I was surprised communicating with our daughter as she said we kept our troubles well hid from her (though I highly doubt it subconsciously). We did do things like showing the dogs together & he would come along when I was going to my horse shows.

I never felt any emotional connection & because I fought with my parents also I thought I was the problem. Never until a few years ago did I realize that both my H & my dad had Aspergers, the only thing that described their difficult to live with behaviors. It has been so freeing to live by myself & really learn who & what kind of person I really am.

Have learned that I can get along with everyone....but not when trapped having to live with differing values 24/7 & having them forced on me.

Sex was always an issue in our marriage....realized looking back there were things I didn't like about his personality & attitudes before the wedding & he never did anything to change my dislike. It only got worse through the years. For me I had a serious computer engineering career & was able to hide out in that which was the only way I could have tolerated being there so many years....that was my focus in life, not sex.

Rather interesting parting conversation on his part....he said he "thought I would just continue tolerating him for the rest of our lives because divorce would show him as a failure." I thought what an odd comment at the time until I realized what I had really been dealing with years later.

We can survive in the same house but not thrive in those conditions & whether we know it or not, out bad marriage relationship does effect our children. My daughter never got married & struggles with relationships because she never had a good one to learn from & neither did I....as we pass it on from generation to generation. No good solutions to the problem I can really think of.