I had a similar experience in which I learned that if you don't tell your T what you really mean or what you really feel, he might not always know. So he might just go along with what you say..... and then you end up feeling really, really crappy and abandoned.

Back when I wanted to do two sessions per week on a regular basis, I couldn't really tell him that I wanted to. Didn't want to admit that I needed him so much. So I sort of expected him to figure it out. Never told him I wanted the two sessions from that point on. So he set our next appointment for a week away and I left feeling horrible, hating him, feeling abandoned, all that stuff.

I later realized that all he did was exactly what I told him to do. And that he can't always know what I need unless I tell him. And from then on, not tell him it's okay when it's not.

I don't think you pushed your T away at all. I do think you will need to share this with him and maybe keep exploring how it feels to convey your needs to him. It's hard, I know. I hate doing it. But I found out that once I did tell him everything I need he was very accommodating... so it became safer. I stopped being so afraid and it saved me a lot of abandonment feelings.