Quote:
Originally Posted by Poppy.K
I am a married gal who shares these types of feelings. I've been married three years, and there have been two particular gents who have captured my fancy during this time, although like you, nothing has happened. I have a bit of an issue where I am usually disinterested and a bit cold at first, and I have trouble getting close with people... but once I do, I seem to get a bit infatuated. One guy is a friend of my husband, who I found I just share so many interests with, and we are able to have amazing discussions, and we shared some stories about battling depression and social anxiety, so I just kind of felt so connected. And he's just super attractive to me, although not someone my husband would ever see as a threat! Also we live abroad, so I don't see him, and anyways, I'm not worried about something happening, it's more of a flirtatious friendship, and anyways, I live abroad so hardly ever see him!
The other was a friend we met here, as I find it incredibly difficult to meet people in this country I'm in, and he was just such a great conversationalist, fell into talking easily, which is rare for me. He and hubby got along great, we used to hang out in groups a lot, but now we've lost touch, and I super miss him.
Anyways, I mention this, because I've found that when I form a bond with someone, and they give me these flirtatious vibes, I kind of get off or thrive on it. Not something I'm proud of, but I am am incredibly insecure person, despite being seen by others positively. I think my lack of self-confidence kind of pokes me on to seek this attention, despite my husband being super supportive and loving (sometimes I think too much, and get annoyed like he's overcompensating for some reason...) Maybe you need to work on your confidence, and your feelings towards your fiancé, though you may love him, sometimes you need to find the love for yourself first. Trust me, when you're hating on yourself, or you lack confidence, it's very hard to be in a strong, functioning relationship. Not saying this is the case, but maybe a reason you enjoy/seek this attention.
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Aww, thank you for sharing.
Makes me feel better about this whole thing.
My fiancee and I are really close, and it's weird because part of me wants to tell him that I've crushed on these two guys (which I'm developing a crush on one of them now). He gets really jealous though, and it makes him so upset even if I joke about something like that. He got mad when I mentioned marrying a celebrity. I understand where he's coming from, because I would feel the same way, but at the same time, I would like him to be open with me about celebrity fantasies and even crushes if he had one on another girl. As long as I knew he was mine forever, and would never leave me for anyone else.
I would never leave him for someone else, most of my crushes on these other men stem from sexual needs. My fiancee isn't exactly the kinkiest guy haha. I actually asked if he would do a three way with one of my crushes, and he told me he wouldn't want to share me with anyone else.
I know that this new crush will soon pass, and I'll only fantasize about him every once in awhile after the initial crush is over. That's what happened with my friend before, and I don't expect this to be any different since I truly love my fiancee.
As for my self-esteem, I could definitely improve myself. I'm not in the best state of mind at the moment because I'm going through a really hard decision, which isn't helping.
I've gone through a lot of ups and downs where I've had great self-confidence to having none at all. Not exactly sure why, but it might be a result of my depression that started when I was about 14-15.
Once again, thank you for sharing, it definitely makes me feel better about my situation, like I'm not an asshole.
Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk.
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"I'm in a competition with myself and I'm losing."