Quote:
Originally Posted by 1278
I think both my parent screwed up equally in their own ways.
My parents are both very controlling, paranoid and manipulated me so I could be the perfect child which worked (because I idolised them), until I got sick, then things started falling apart. I was never allowed to date, even now I would never dream it (I'm 22) because studies are no.1. I was always top 5 in my district, have never smoked, drank, been clubbing or even kissed a guy! I have lived a very sheltered life which was part of the problem because once I started staying on my own I didn't know what to do because I always relied on my parents. They manipulated me into doing medicine, a career I clearly hated, and now I left halfway through the degree, my dad is clearly disappointed but I'm only human too (and also very unstable due to my illness). My dad always had a huge stigma against my mum for her depression, so I hid that I was severely depressed for years too. I could go on and on but at least now they are trying to make up for their mistakes, even though they still slip up once in a while.
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You are very much like me! Except I had a good 11 years where I was left unchecked and I developed a personality near "our" borderline. So tumultuous child relationships and kissing were not a problem then.
But any of that you can do after university. You're still very young.
Most if not all (bet ya all that already passed onset: are diagnosed BP or should really be) with BP or "almost-BP" experience a (huge) deterioration in their symptoms at university. Though you are anxious about doing so, I would really suggest you find a simple, maybe bit monotonous, but not itself stressful activity to do besides university. I do talk from experience. Anything would really do. Just a distraction, doesn't really matter how many hours.
Disappointed parents is also what next to 100% of us experience. Try to find people to talk about these issues. Just to get them out. Even if someone doesn't share the experiences, talking helps. A therapist will do or a good friend, maybe a local (university?) BP/unipolar support group.
After university, I'd say, be sure to talk openly about these issues with your parents. Very important. You may find they feel as guilty as you sometimes (not talking makes you depressed and they keep you depressed by their actions given in by guilt).
If I understood correctly (thought I read it somewhere) you have indeed registered for a new year. Don't you mind whether it was the best course of action or not (I think it is), but focus on balancing your course load. I think I speak for everyone (how presumptuous
), when I say none of us will be disappointed if you pass only one course this year. And the appraisal of those that understand your problems are really what matters now. Your parents will understand better and will be more accepting later in life. One thing at a time.
RxQueen, for at least one third of people with BP it is at least partly triggered by severe trauma (comorbid PTSD). A good one third is likely to have endured at least some traumatic events/incidents. I personally think next to 100% has endured manipulation and/or dismissal of their problems.
Hope you learn to talk about your trauma, clearheaded, without too much pain, in time. Have you tried EMDR? It may help you. Sitting in a train or city bus just thinking about the traumatic events, the abuse, might help you (it's pretty much as good as EMDR can be, though you might really need assistance from a therapist).
You are both much loved.