I had a similar situation many years ago. I was seeing a t and asked her to help me improve my marriage. She met my husband, we had some joint sessions and some separate (apart from my own individual therapy with her) and I remember one time she told me to do something that would benefit my dh. I told her right then and there that I felt she was ignoring my own needs, that she knows it is hard for me to 'submit' to his needs when I am emotionally unable to do so. Her response was that I asked her to help with the marriage and doing so would be 'for the marriage'. I heard her good and well. And then I realized that I was no longer able to 'do for the marriage'. I'd become too burnt out, and as you know the deep wounds of verbal abuse take a looooooong time to heal, if ever.

I suggest as other posters have already mentioned, to express your thoughts and feelings to the therapist and see if you can come up with some creative way of dealing with his needs vs. your inability to 'submit' to his needs vs. how much CAN you do for the marriage, if you can.

This is tough work, but if your marriage can ultimately be salvaged in a good way it will be worth your efforts. Needless to say, don't lose sight of your 'self' along the process. After all, marriage is about two whole people coming together.

Best of luck to you!