Hello there!

I too am learning how to deal with employees and bosses that are power-hungry and controlling. My therapist explained it as "pecking" order. If they are being controlled by someone higher up, they will find someone to control, which happens to be you. As someone has already explained, you probably aren't assertive and thus, give the impression to your boss that you'll take what she dishes out, even if you do stand up for yourself a bit.

My therapist just started teaching me a technique this past Friday that I will eventually be able to use with people who are treating me bad, or trying to get me to do something I don't want to do.

I figured you might could use this with your boss and see if it helps the dynamic any. It's a way of sticking up for yourself without being passive, nor aggressive, but ASSERTIVE. Here's the technique:

Passive------Assertive--------Aggressive

(Most people fall into an extreme, but Assertive is the healthy spot.)

1. State What They Think/Their Perspective (I understand that you...)
2. Explain the Mistake (However/But...)
3. Make a Request (I would like you to)

Example: The boss didn't schedule your vacation on the calendar and you know you put in for it a few weeks ago.

"Hey, I know you've been swamped with this project and have a lot on your plate, but I put in a request a few weeks ago to be off next week and noticed it wasn't on the calendar. Could you please correct the calendar to show my vacation? Thank you!"

This is an example of not being passive (taking the error and working) or aggressive (slamming the calendar down on the boss's desk and getting violent). It's a middle ground that establishes your power over the situation and shows the receiver that you are in control of yourself.

I hope this helps!