Forget about how the distress is manifesting.

You feel like you are dying, you are alone, isolated, housebound. These things are what you should be focusing on.

You didn't say what kinds of things you are looking at on the internet, but whatever it is, it is distressing you so S T O P. Instead, write up a plan of action and stick it on your refrigerator.

Have you thought about getting back to your doctor to discuss medication?

You are not thinking clearly about religion or spirituality but I don't think now is the time for you to be focusing on this. You talked about many things that are wrong. The first is that you are in so much pain you feel like you are dying. To address this is your Number One Priority. You need to do everything in your power to reduce the pain. NOW.

So write up an "take action" plan and stick it up somewhere you can see it - on the frig. - your bathroom mirror. Wherever.

Congrats for coming on Psych Central to seek advice and support.

You were on medication and doing better. Now you are not. Have you considered going back on medication?