Hi , Everyone I have been here for about a month maybe now but I never really posted too much about why I am here .

I suffer from ptsd, gad, severe depression , panic disorder and what is called compound grief , I am doing life alone on ssdi .

I have lost several loved ones, family members, pets, friends and have been unable to heal from one loss before I get hit by another. I do not have a support circle and have been trying to go it alone.

In the past 5 years I have lost my husband who abandoned me and our pets,
My 13 year old cat whom I was so very close to died in my arms,
My mother passed away , my BF decided he was going to move out of state and told me one day before he left. My brother passed away shortly after that , my dog is now ill and I may have to put her to sleep. And just a few minutes ago I received word that my aunt has just passed.

I just want to know if the pain will ever end?... How do people get through these times when there is no support , family or friends to help ?

I feel so anxious and depressed all the time that I don't even want to be awake anymore. I am losing my fighting spirit.

I try to stay busy , hobbies , trying to make friends ect. but it's so hard when I keep having to fight so hard just to wake up alone in my bed and contemplate why the hell am I even here on this earth.

I find it so hard to catch my breath .