I can relate to what you are saying ugly ducky!
I know I am still very attached to my ex partner whom our relationship ended 6 years ago.
In my case it's directly related to attachment and trauma.
I have issues with abandonment and she did completely abandon me and cut all ties without discussion or reason and it hurt like hell. I be a arm very traumatised afterwards and shocked by her behaviour. It was very malicious and downright evil.
I feel sometimes I am detached and other times I feel I can't live without her. It comes in waves of grief and attachment. It's very difficult to understand let alone process but I believe the detachment will come when I am ready.
My t doesn't work with attachment and doesn't really understand my process, she says I am very invested in suffering but how can you just let go and move on if you still love someone with all of your heart.

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