Yeah, it's awkward for me to talk to other people about my problems, regardless if they're a doctor. I feel the same way.

It took me 6 months to tell my regular doctor that I was even diagnosed as BP. I felt super awkward during our entire conversation, which lasted about 20 minutes.

I think it's worth seeing your doctor again, though... just to talk about what you're struggling with. It's good to be honest and say why you keep changing your mind. Even if you ultimately choose to not go on meds, I still think it's a good idea to talk with your doctor. This way, you'll know you've made a logical, informed decision regardless of what you decide to do.