Ask yourself why? Why did you have doubts before the wedding. Put real words & real feelings to the why...not " just because"

It's not easy to understand the why & we & others are quick to brush it away especially when the person is nice. I know I had red flags before my wedding & didn't understand them well enough to truly explain the depth of what was going on. 33 years later I finally left for those same reasons the red flags existed & while living with him I couldn't figure it out until years after I left & finally good therapy.

He had attitudes that rubbed me the wrong way before we got married & they made me not respect him & love can never grow where there is no respect. We had only known each other from the beginning og the school year & he was a graduating senior with a BS in computer science with a really bad GPA. His reason was he didn't want to bother in the classes he KNEW he was smarter than the instructor in while my comment was one can always learn something no matter what if they put out some effort....I saw ARROGANCE. Then he went for a job interview to work in the programming department for the bank he worked at while getting his degree (didn't get it at the time but they moved him from teller & dealing with people to the back processing checks) while in school ( makes sense now). Anyway the bank refused to hire him because of his bad GPA. He was angry at them & said his GPA didn't reflect his intelligence or what he could do. I told him it reflected his attitude & they didn't want to hire someone who wouldn't do a job they thought below themselves. Add to that a bunch of immature friends. My mother assured me that he would grow up & be responsible when he had to......he never did.

I allowed my value on education to talk me into the fact that with it, he would be nothing like my uneducated father as I was sure that was why my dad was the way he was. Mind you...my parents were nice & so was H....but living around someone even when they are nice when there is conflict in attitude & thought & values will NEVER be an environment for love to grow in. I kick myself for not understanding those red flags but now realize I was living with totally dysfunctional parents who had no idea about the realities of relationships. I had no mentor to listen to or to discuss the situation with & to learn from to make a truly informed decision from at that time. I'm so glag that I have finally been able to see the real picture of what I lived with all my life so I will never make that mistake again if I were to ever find marriage a possibility in the future.

It's important to know yourself rather than defining yourself bu the person you are married to. Oh how I wish I had intelligent/wise parents to have guided me rather that figuring it all out on my own.

Being alone is not bad compared to living in a bad marriage. It took me years of research to finally understand what is behind the H's behavior & it opened the door to explaining why my dad was the way he was....while I thought education level fixed everything....I had a lot to learn.

But this is why I say...know the why & truly understand what you thought was the problem & honestly why you went ahead with the marriage. When I asked H at the end why he got married he said it was what people were supposed to do at that age with a person you like (he had no concept of what love was& neither did I)

Relationships are complicated but if we don't know ourselves well it only complicates it more.