I was separated while living in the same house for 13 years because financial situations made it impossible to divorce. Both would have ended up with nothing though now I understand that situation only made my depression worse to the point of suicide attempts feeling it the only way to escape. After my mom died I sold the house & bought a farm 2100 miles away. Not initially thinking of it as the END of the marriage, my months at the farm working on the house & never thinking about H or missing him was a real awakening. 8 years later & all my money tied up in the farm, the divorce is still on the table since he's not filing....more expensive in Ca. I am the one paying for it so when I get the money or financial security becomes critical again, then it will become my highest priority.

Interesting that there was never real communication in our marriage & there was never communication on his part after I left. Being around normal people & learning I have no problem communicating with everyone around me, made me realize just what a dysfunctional person I was married to & explained why I was so miserable all those 33 years. It was such a relief to be away from him & sadly his inability to emotionally connect was just like my dad's. Realizing that no matter what the cause, the result is emotional neglect & the damage was done & now time to get on with life & after all those years I rather enjoy being alone but now I have wonderful friends & a support network that is more of a family than I ever had before. I am looking forward to getting the divorce finalized some day as this separation is no different than divorce as there is no communication at all other than my getting on his case about the IRS & the joint bank account he was running in the hole & the foreclosure on the house they came to me about because he wouldn't communicate with them either & the lost title to the car I left him to drive along with his destroying the paperwork needed to get a duplicate. 8 years later left on his own I see just how much I was carrying him all those years & how incapable he truly is, not one I would want to depend on in my old age to care for me if it were needed Sometimes all the garbage in the relationship shows there was never real love in the first place.

I now understand what I was dealing with & that his behavior is more normal for the spectrum location he is on...but even suggesting he gets dx'ed so he can get the help/support he needs...he's in denial & so are his parents....they couldn't have possibly had a son with that & had all kinds of excuses for his childhood behavior.

Marriage relationships are complicated & ending them even harder