Dear T

Something really important happened today, and not with you. I called a helpline cos I feel like I'm falling apart...
And I talked and talked and it was so helpful. About how I know what has happened in my past, but I cant say what it was, I can't own it or acknowledge it because that would be selfish and self centred.

And the woman said, I could maybe just practise saying it, out loud, just to practise, just to see.
And I did. I did. And she asked me if the sky had fallen in, and, do you know what, it hadn't!
And now I wonder...why couldn't you do that for me? Or why couldn't I do that with you? Will you be okay that I spoke to someone else? Am I annoyed with you that you weren't brave enough?
But right now it still feels amazing, and I'm holding on to that.

Red xxx