I was thinking about not just what you said, but its the way you say it, and I hope this will give you some encouragement, that......... the way you describe your experiences with the disorder is so clear, so honest and its like you are confronting the reality and your challenges. And that takes courage, so you seem to me to have lots of courage to draw on, and the qualities of clarity and honesty are so valuable too.
Feel free to pm me if you like.
I have been trying to challenge myself with my own behaviour recenlty. Sure as hell have my own issues still, I've been trying to be more honest with people and also more vulnerable where it is appropriate.

RiverX