I finally got my pnurse to agree to give me emsam! She'd been taking forever checking into interactions and diet restrictions and everything. Which I'm thankful for, I'm glad she was so thorough. So she's calling it in today and I'm starting on six mg as soon as my pharmacy can get it. I'm so happy to be able to try something else! Maybe it will work well enough that I can stop ECT. I really hate ECT.

In other news the depression has still abated a little. I felt bad over the weekend but I think it was more grief than anything. My brother is getting married in September and it's been hard on my because I know my husband would be so proud of my brother. And it just kind of highlights my loss. But I've been muddling through. Considering getting sleeve tattoos to cover my scars and mainly to discourage myself from self injuring. If there's a beautiful tattoo there I won't want to cut it up, and even though I can cut other places than my arms it's just not as satisfying for me.

I'm definitely excited to try emsam though. I hope I won't run into any horrible side effects.