A few of you probably know me on here by now and know that I've struggled with getting over my on and off relationship with my (possibly narcissistic) ex boyfriend (see my other posts) I hate to keep going on about it, but I have reached an all time low and I just can't seem to get over him. For those of you that don't know, he recently got engaged to someone that lives 3000 miles away and he met her a year ago when he was on holiday in Florida (he lives in the UK) she will be coming to live in the UK once they get married next summer.

We still keep contact (as we both wanted to remain friends) and I've had a few unsuccessful "relationships" since and he's helped me by giving advice from a guys point of view, but now and then we get chatting and he tells me how much he will always love me and that we will always have a special connection, that he unfortunately he will never be able to give his heart 100% to his fiancé because of me. Obviously this is nice for me to hear but I guess it's only words.

I guess I always thought he'd come back and tell me how miserable he was without me and now he seems so happy with his new partner and im so lonely. I have told him that I'm happy that he is happy and I do wish him all the best, but a small part of me just wishes it doesn't last with this girl and he realises my worth. I feel horrible for thinking that, but I guess that's just because I feel like I need the validation that I'm ok and i wasn't the problem. I literally dread their wedding day and all the big milestones ahead, such as them having a baby etc. It feels me with pain and I just wish it was me.

I really am convinced that nobody will feel I'm special enough to spend their life with. I am always the one that's left for someone better. I frequently feel such a strong urge to give up on life because I can't bear for my nightmare of ending up alone becoming reality and I wish I knew what to do and how to get out of this hell. I just want to see a future for me and feel happy

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